I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
