He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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