I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
