Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
