i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
