so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
