remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
