his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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