She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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