i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
