She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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