Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
