i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
