Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
