I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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