dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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