Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
