If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
