I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
