You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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