Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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