Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
