i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize