I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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