The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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