Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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