I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
