I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Couch. On fire.
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