I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
