I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
