Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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