She announced her abortion via fbk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
