come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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