remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
her facebook's as public as her vagina
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
