Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
