Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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