it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
