dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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