so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
