it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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