bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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