i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
