I cut my penus on the lid.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
