Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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