You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
