Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
