Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
