He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
