I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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