she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
