Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
