he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
