Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
