If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
