i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
