My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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