I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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