i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
