none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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