He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
