last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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