kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
