I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize