the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
