eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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