he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
