Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
