There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
