i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this just has baby written all over it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
