your parents love me but you hate me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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