Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
